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no one knows how lonely i feel or how trapped inside myself i am.
no one can love me into truly existing.
everything becomes an exercise in futility - suicide, cutting. why bother?
really, i'm just living because it seems like the path of least resistence.
but i'm not really living either. just lingering somewhere in between.
- from a comment I just left for a friend who is feeling similarly.
Autumn numbs me.
But it's not even a complaint so much as an observation.
Sometimes I'd rather feel dead inside than actively sad or terrified or anxious or desiring of something/someone.
On any given day, I am usually feeling way too much of *something* either good or bad and right now I'm feeling nothing or maybe this is how normal people feel all the time/most of the time?
I'm so numb that my feeling numb doesn't bother me.
I often fail classes in Autumn.
I think this is because I don't feel enough of anything to feel pressured enough to study and I just don't and then I fail things and I don't care enough to care. Everything's just calm.
Except the feeling of alienation and aloneness which still manages to cut right through me and leave a sting.
And worse, because I'm so lost inside my head right now no one could possibly find me.
Still, I welcome the distraction of outside presences.
I did a lot of writing on my screenplay today though and it felt fucking real. Every word, every moment, like real life.
Don't let this be another Fall where I shut everyone out completely and lose the few friends I've managed to hold onto.
It's Fall, time to fall again...
It's Fall and all the words are caught in my throat and my sound is the sound of leaves crunching beneath feet and wind whispering but I'm smiling, because I'm a secret kept and a promise for Spring.
I miss you.
All of you.
no one can love me into truly existing.
everything becomes an exercise in futility - suicide, cutting. why bother?
really, i'm just living because it seems like the path of least resistence.
but i'm not really living either. just lingering somewhere in between.
- from a comment I just left for a friend who is feeling similarly.
Autumn numbs me.
But it's not even a complaint so much as an observation.
Sometimes I'd rather feel dead inside than actively sad or terrified or anxious or desiring of something/someone.
On any given day, I am usually feeling way too much of *something* either good or bad and right now I'm feeling nothing or maybe this is how normal people feel all the time/most of the time?
I'm so numb that my feeling numb doesn't bother me.
I often fail classes in Autumn.
I think this is because I don't feel enough of anything to feel pressured enough to study and I just don't and then I fail things and I don't care enough to care. Everything's just calm.
Except the feeling of alienation and aloneness which still manages to cut right through me and leave a sting.
And worse, because I'm so lost inside my head right now no one could possibly find me.
Still, I welcome the distraction of outside presences.
I did a lot of writing on my screenplay today though and it felt fucking real. Every word, every moment, like real life.
Don't let this be another Fall where I shut everyone out completely and lose the few friends I've managed to hold onto.
It's Fall, time to fall again...
It's Fall and all the words are caught in my throat and my sound is the sound of leaves crunching beneath feet and wind whispering but I'm smiling, because I'm a secret kept and a promise for Spring.
I miss you.
All of you.
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hottest marissa/summer fic evers!!! sdkfjkldsjkfdlsj
okay i'm so wishing i had a girlfriend right now!!! eeeeeeks!
okay i'm so wishing i had a girlfriend right now!!! eeeeeeks!
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Take the quiz: "What Kinda Kiss R U?"
Playful Kiss
The playful kiss is about you having fun and not needing to have feelings for that person. You just go with the flow!
Playful Kiss
The playful kiss is about you having fun and not needing to have feelings for that person. You just go with the flow!
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Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have?"
Scared
Your eyes are scared. Your eyes are scared of pain, or rejection. You know how much it hurts to lose someone u cared for, but in return they dumped you like a sack of potatoes! Someday you will find your special friend, or lover, so dont stay hidden too much. You have also seen much misery when it comes to guy too, so you pefer to keep it safe, and keep your heart locked up from everyone guy that seems to be interested. You dont wanna go through anymore pain....
Pretty graphic. Tentative grasp on the English language. Probably true.
Though I have been told I have "sad eyes", not so much scared ones.
Scared
Your eyes are scared. Your eyes are scared of pain, or rejection. You know how much it hurts to lose someone u cared for, but in return they dumped you like a sack of potatoes! Someday you will find your special friend, or lover, so dont stay hidden too much. You have also seen much misery when it comes to guy too, so you pefer to keep it safe, and keep your heart locked up from everyone guy that seems to be interested. You dont wanna go through anymore pain....
Pretty graphic. Tentative grasp on the English language. Probably true.
Though I have been told I have "sad eyes", not so much scared ones.
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