You Can't Wake, I Can't Sleep

In a way, this is the most depressing book ever written. Because everyone's so apathetic and sad and aimlessly drifting and everyone loves someone and takes their signals all wrong and that person doesn't give a shit and doesn't even know they're giving out signals. And really it's just...life. Everyone's selfish, self-absorbed, obsessed, detached, miserable. Marching futiley towards death with no sense of purpose. Alone, alone, alone.

My hormones are so screwed up. I just finished my period recently but I feel like I have PMS. I have horrible cramping and that same dead-inside, distraught feeling that I always get with PMS.

Maybe I need to be on birth control. But everyone's all "no! cancer!" and i'm on so many pills, it's like how many can someone be on when they all just seem like sugar pills to me anyway because they don't help.

Also, birth control pills will make me fat, won't they?

I can't get any fatter.

I really don't want to drop this stupid class, I'm battling myself about it.

Because I think I could write a decent final paper.

I don't know.

I don't want to be having a nervous breakdown in general, but I can't afford to be having one right now when my whole future is hanging in the balance.

It's always autumn. Autumn kills me. Autumn gave me life, so autumn takes it back.

Fuck you, Autumn.