You Can't Wake, I Can't Sleep

So, the interview went okay. I have to call on Monday morning to schedule my training session. I have to do three unpaid training sessions and if I manage to not suck through those, then I can start working.

Then I came home and slept for a few hours then my sister and I went out to eat and see "Serenity". We felt really lame because we thought it would be sold out, so we got there like an hour early and just sat there by ourselves. But yeah it awesome except for the part where we forgot to turn off cell phones and hers started ringing in the middle of this important scene and I don't know how to use hers so I didn't know how to turn it off, so I just like froze and willed it to stop ringing which it didn't so I kindof threw it at her and she turned it off.

Embarassing.

But yes the movie was lovelylovely!

I've decided River looks like Summer, and also the actress's name is Summer, so that's weird.

And now I'm freaking out because I need to read four screenplays and write critiques for Wednesday and I haven't started yet.

And I'm behind on the reading for both my classes cuz I suck and it's almost time for freaking midterms!

Time is going really quickly suddenly.

And I'm so tired but I don't feel like sleeping. Or reading required things.
Which means it's time to read friendslist.

And I really like River's clothes in the movie. I think I need to rip off her look for awhile.

I just started feeling really sad. Like I felt my mood go crashing down and shatter. One minute I was merely cranky, the next ... "everything's falling and i am included in that".

I'm annoyed with myself for not typing up and organizing the parts of my screenplay I was working on, but I'm feeling that stupid resistance to doing it and it doesn't fucking matter if I do it right now tonight and I'm just lost in all this bullshit cognitive dissonance that makes no sense.

When I come home from screenwrity workshop I am always in the best fucking mood like tonight wandering around outside listening to Jason Mraz and feeling all inspired and full of ideas and general hopefulness and then I always just reach this point where I crash.

Like all the joy is being sucked out of my bones.

I get these freaking creative writing highs and then they are drained from me.

I'm lost in my imaginary world of whatever and then I come crash back to earth and it feels like drowning.

I don't know. I have my period. Nothing's a big deal. Just my hormones and my bipolar and this general hope I carry around with me or this excitement for things that don't come and that i can't define.

leaves me low, leaves me empty.

to sleep or to work on screenplay?

i wonder if greentea/lemonade frozen thing at starbucks is vegan.

i want to go to starbucks nownownow.

but its closed.