Last Year's Girl (Lost, Kate/Juliet, Season 5)

[iphigenia]

"He still loves you, you know," the blonde says calmly.
"What?" Kate looks down at her food and feels meek and vaguely unnerved, the way she generally does around Juliet.

Juliet smiles serenely and sits there looking regal and stunning even in her Dharma Initiative gear.  Loose tendrils of blonde hair fall in her face and her blue eyes seem empty of accusation.  Yet Kate can never tell what she's really thinking. She has that stoic, mysterious thing working for her, which maybe was Kate's thing at some point, but now she just feels like someone broken and empty, which she always was.  Only now, it's obvious.  Her facade has worn away and she's lost her shine.  It doesn't really matter anymore, though. Too much has happened.  Still, she doesn't like feeling small and dull in Juliet's presence. 

"James," Juliet says, as though Kate doesn't know who "he" is.  "It was really hard for him to get over you.  And he's not.  I've seen the way he looks at you."
Kate feels her face flush. "Look, I'm not.  I wouldn't-"
"I know," Juliet's expression is unreadable.  As usual.
"Okay." Kate finally looks her in the eye. "Why are you telling me this?"
Juliet pauses and looks pensive. "I'm not sure.  I guess I wanted to give you something."
"I don't blame you or anything," Kate says quickly. Stupid! Of course she has no right to blame her.  She left.  She was never coming back. Of course he wouldn't just wait for her forever.
"I know you don't.  It's not that. You just seem sad.  I thought you might feel better knowing that."
"If that's really true...I can't imagine you'd be terribly fond of me."
"But I am. Fond of you." Her voice sounds sincere and Kate feels horrible for some of the things she's thought about her since returning. "I'd be lying if I said part of me didn't feel threatened, but I like you, Kate. I get it. What he sees in you."

Kate doesn't get what anyone sees in her.  Male attention has pretty much come at her since puberty, and she realizes she's pretty but that's about it.  For a moment, she feels bold enough to ask - What? What does he see in me? What do you see in me? but the moment passes quite quickly.

Juliet reaches across the table and places her hand on Kate's arm. The contact causes an unexpected rush of heat, a strange tingly feeling inside her stomach.  Juliet's touch is firm, unhesitant.  Kate is sure she's blushing and wishes she could stop.  This is awkward and strange and you'd think she'd be used to strange by now, of all things, but still.  Yet the thought of Juliet removing her hand fills her with a sense of dread like drowning. Like she's been feeling ever since...ever. Somehow, Juliet's touch is anchoring her, pinning her to the moment and shutting out the past...or the future. Like she's existing outside of time completely. 

"Tell me what happened," Juliet says softly, her eyes hypnotic oceans.
"What happened before you came back."
And for the first time, the words come tumbling out of her mouth as though of their own accord.  "Aaron," she says, breathless. "I..." and then she stops.
"Kate.  Kate, it's okay.  You can tell me."  Of course Sawyer loves her.  She can make the whole world seem okay just by saying your name the right way.

She talks for several minutes, eyes brimming with tears, and Juliet doesn't interrupt once.  When she finishes, Juliet comes and sits next to her, says nothing, just wraps her arms around her. Kate feels herself collapsing against her chest.  It feels good to stop holding it together, to let go. 

It happens before she has a chance to think about it.  Her lips are pressing into Juliet's, and hers are pressing back, her arms tightening around her. They are making out like high school, all tongues and teeth and urgency, alternately biting at each other's lips and sucking gently. Kate hesitantly slides a hand up Juliet's shirt, but loses her nerve and rests it on Juliet's side, the feel of her bare skin still intoxicating.  Finally, she pulls away.  "What...what are we doing?" She's giggling nervously. It's embarrassing.

"I don't know." For once, Juliet looks like she doesn't have all the answers.  Just confused as Hell like Kate.

"I'm sorry," Kate says at last. "I don't know what came over me."
"No, it's okay.  I wanted to kiss you."
"If Sawyer found out, he'd-"
"Probably be sorry he missed it."
Kate laughs. "Yeah, too bad for him I guess."
They fall into an awkward silence.

"Thank you.  For listening," Kate says at last.
Juliet's long blonde hair is coming out of her ponytail, falling in soft waves around her face.  She smiles.  "If that's what they're calling it nowadays."

Kate can feel the moment slipping from her.  Sadness seeps in. Juliet and Sawyer will return to each other and she will go back to being alone.  Not so fiercely independent as she once was, she feels weak, needy and faintly sickened by herself.

"Hey, Kate." Why is her name so perfect only on Juliet's tongue? "You're not alone, you know." As though reading her mind. "You have me." She emphasizes the word "have", not "me".  Meaning what? But she just smiles in that way that manages to be both extremely reassuring and completely maddening, like she knows something no one else does but whatever that thing is, it's...good. Kate can't help but smile back.