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(Darcy's POV)
Manny is talking a mile a minute about some guy again, but I'm not really listening. I'm watching the way her warm brown eyes sparkle and the way her face glows. Her flawless olivey complection is tinged with pink with the flush of post-workout exhileration.
We so worked our butts off today, I think to myself with a satisfied smile. When the squad pulls together, it's like magic. We are beyond incredible. Of course, some practices are better than others, which is why days like today when everyone is just on and working together feel so amazing. I know Manny feels it too, that rush of excitement, the pride. I guess that's something that makes us friends. It still feels strange to think of her as a "friend", because, well, we weren't always.
I actually used to be really jealous of her - she's so beautiful and curvy in all the right places (let's just say I'm...not.) She's as exotic looking as I am girl-next-door plain. And she has that warmth about her, that easy-goingness that makes everyone like her. Especially guys. I'm so tempted to make a crack here about easy-going and just "easy". I can't help it. Old habits die hard.
It's just people think it's so simple, following God's plan for me. And it makes me angry sometimes. I struggle with the same desires everyone else does. I get horny. I have thoughts I shouldn't. Sometimes I have thoughts I really, really shouldn't.
It's not like the t-shirts and the bracelets that say "What would Jesus do?" because that's not a question you can just know the answer to. Sometimes it's a lot like watching an episode of "Lost". Everytime you think you've found an answer it just leads to more questions which lead to...more questions.
Like Marco. He's gay. But he's cool. Hating people because of who they love is messed up. You know, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." But...what if you're the sinner? Everything's different then. What if it doesn't feel like sin? And what if the thoughts that you're having...you really, really want them to be more than just thoughts? Not that it would happen anyway, obviously.
It's the way she casually lays her hand on the exposed flesh of my thigh without missing a beat in her conversation. How it makes my heart start beating faster and my face get all hot and I start freaking out that I'm bright red and she can tell. And you know other things. Other effects which I refuse to commit to writing thank you very much!
It's the way we just started lingering after practice and now we don't even think about it, we just wait for the others to leave and stretch out on the bleachers. It's like this thing I just look forward to and I wonder if she does too.
It's the shape of her lips, the way she smiles, how soft they look, how soft they would feel pressed against my own. Just the thought of it makes me feel things I never felt when I was actually kissing Spin!
Okay, I have definitely said too much...
Manny is talking a mile a minute about some guy again, but I'm not really listening. I'm watching the way her warm brown eyes sparkle and the way her face glows. Her flawless olivey complection is tinged with pink with the flush of post-workout exhileration.
We so worked our butts off today, I think to myself with a satisfied smile. When the squad pulls together, it's like magic. We are beyond incredible. Of course, some practices are better than others, which is why days like today when everyone is just on and working together feel so amazing. I know Manny feels it too, that rush of excitement, the pride. I guess that's something that makes us friends. It still feels strange to think of her as a "friend", because, well, we weren't always.
I actually used to be really jealous of her - she's so beautiful and curvy in all the right places (let's just say I'm...not.) She's as exotic looking as I am girl-next-door plain. And she has that warmth about her, that easy-goingness that makes everyone like her. Especially guys. I'm so tempted to make a crack here about easy-going and just "easy". I can't help it. Old habits die hard.
It's just people think it's so simple, following God's plan for me. And it makes me angry sometimes. I struggle with the same desires everyone else does. I get horny. I have thoughts I shouldn't. Sometimes I have thoughts I really, really shouldn't.
It's not like the t-shirts and the bracelets that say "What would Jesus do?" because that's not a question you can just know the answer to. Sometimes it's a lot like watching an episode of "Lost". Everytime you think you've found an answer it just leads to more questions which lead to...more questions.
Like Marco. He's gay. But he's cool. Hating people because of who they love is messed up. You know, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." But...what if you're the sinner? Everything's different then. What if it doesn't feel like sin? And what if the thoughts that you're having...you really, really want them to be more than just thoughts? Not that it would happen anyway, obviously.
It's the way she casually lays her hand on the exposed flesh of my thigh without missing a beat in her conversation. How it makes my heart start beating faster and my face get all hot and I start freaking out that I'm bright red and she can tell. And you know other things. Other effects which I refuse to commit to writing thank you very much!
It's the way we just started lingering after practice and now we don't even think about it, we just wait for the others to leave and stretch out on the bleachers. It's like this thing I just look forward to and I wonder if she does too.
It's the shape of her lips, the way she smiles, how soft they look, how soft they would feel pressed against my own. Just the thought of it makes me feel things I never felt when I was actually kissing Spin!
Okay, I have definitely said too much...
