Drabble-Matic! (is responsible for this cracked out drabble)

The Miracle Of The Hyena

Ivy hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a magical flower that blooms eternally. She loathed it.

Every December, Ivy would feel herself getting all feisty inside. She refused to put up a Christmas tree, she snapped at anyone green enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Ivy had to go to the mall to buy a silver heart. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing wickedly around and so much Christmas music blaring sluttily, she thought her thigh would explode.

Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a tempting woman collecting for charity. Ivy never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the tempting woman dropped his bells and ran in the shower. There was a bloody hyena right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the tempting woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Ivy rushed out and slowly pushed them both out of the way. There was a sharp bang and then everything went dark.

When Ivy woke up, she was in a rusty room. There was a Christmas tree in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Ivy's breast hurt. A lot.

The tempting woman came into the room. "I'm so silly!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Harley. You saved me from the truck. But your breast is broken."

Ivy hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas tree up and her breast was broken, she felt quite nocturnal, especially when she looked at Harley.

"Your breast must hurt casually," Harley said. "I think this will help." And she sucked Ivy several times.

Now Ivy felt very nocturnal indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Harley. "I love you," she said, and kissed Harley dreamily.

"I love you too," said Harley. Just then, the hyena ran into the room and nuzzled Ivy's shoulder. "I brought him home with us," Harley said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Ivy said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

(actually that kind of made me all awwwwwe. Ivy + Harl + hyena = happy family)

( more crack )

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One More!! Best Evarr!

(courtesy of drabble-matic)

To Casually Lick

Ivy and Harley were celebrating a feisty Valentine's Day together. Ivy had cooked a silver dinner and they ate in the shower by candlelight.

"My darling," Harley said, stroking Ivy's shoulder, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Ivy. "It is but a nocturnal token of my bloody love."

Ivy opened the box. Inside was a tempting heart! She gazed at it sluttily. Then she gazed at Harley sluttily. "It's green," Ivy said. "Come here and let me lick you."

Just then, a silly crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a magical flower that blooms eternally. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a sharp voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Harley read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other dreamily as the crone cackled some more. Ivy's thigh began to tremble. Then Harley shrugged, pulled out a horse, and hit the crone on her breast. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Ivy said and kissed Harley slowly. "This is a rusty Valentine's Day!"

They wickedly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they sucked each other all night long.