Early Morning Angst And Confusion

i can't remember who the conversation was had with but i want to say lynzee.

but then i can't remember if it was a conversation i ever even had or only saw in a movie or on tv.

but it feels also distinctly like one that might have taken place inside a dream.

a girl said this: do you ever touch your lover's arm and it's just like touching your own? so it's not exciting at all.

which is weird because the notion of someone else's body being that familiar to me is one I held as high romance. and yet. there is little excitement in touching one's own arm.

is that the sudden excitement men hold for me? that their bodies are different from my own and in differences there is mystery and distance and mystery and distance are what keep things tempting?

is there something intrinsically different in them spiritually or mentally or something that is the draw?

i mean the whole yin/yang principle...opposites attracting...

i feel like with girls i get *too* close and then there's nothing erotic about it. like we're so close we don't even need to have sex, because we're already inside each other in a metaphorical way.

hence, why girls i can't have or don't know very well are still appealing...because there is still distance between us. still mystery. it's not like touching my own arm.

and yet...see icon..."i know you so well i could make you from scratch". that's terribly sweet and romantic and makes me *awww*

but then i feel so "rules of attraction" like "I WANT TO KNOW YOU" .... when it seems like in reality that's not what i want at all.

I want to discover people and learn them.

"...I'm learning you...."

But once I've learned them, I seem to want someone new to learn. Some new mystery to unravel.

If you can ever really learn a person. But I do think you can.

I'm very confused.