You Can't Wake, I Can't Sleep

Cassie: I want you to tell me!

Lawes: What?

Cassie: How to stop bad things happening.

Lawes: Doesn’t work, does it? That’s why you have to start eating again.

Cassie: … I fell in love.

Lawes: Ah, love. Why cut yourself when you can be in love?

Cassie: You think passing an exam will make me happy?

Lawes: Cassie, passing exams generally only makes life more complicated, but there’s lots of other stuff that makes things bearable, and you don’t even have to use a knife.

Cassie: … Like?

Lawes: Disco.

(Then they dance.)

*

I think about this scene pretty much every day of my life. I think it’s my favorite scene ever from a tv show or the one that’s resonated most deeply with me, anyway, because 1. it’s made me feel the most understood and 2. it’s brought me the most comfort. Also, I think it’s kind of the best summing up/illustration of (at least my interpretation of) Zen philosophy that I’ve ever seen in any form of media, and it kind of gets to the heart of the show in that through all of the horrible shit the characters go through, they always ultimately seem to find a way to enjoy life and each other and being in the moment (through being in the moment?)

You Scored as JJ You feel awkward & out of place in social situations, & sometimes allow people to boss you around. However, you're extremely intelligent and are a truly sweet & genuine person.   JJ 81% Freddie 69% Emily 67% Pandora 67% Katie 63% Naomi 50% Cook 50% Thomas 48% Effy 33%

It's official - Pandora/Effy is my new OTP.
The way Effy's face lights up whenever she looks at Panda.
Screw that bullshit about Pandora and Thomas randomly winding up together at fucking Harvard in a whole other country. Effy needs her Panda!
Photographic evidence (er picspam) to follow.

"when we got together it scared the shit out of me, because...you were the one person who could ruin my life. i pushed you away&made you think things were your fault, but really i was just terrified of pain. i screwed that girl sophia to kind of spite you for having that hold on me. &i'm a terrible fucking coward because i got these...these tickets to goa for us three months ago. but i, i couldn't stand...i didn't want to be a slave to the way i feel about you. can you understand? you were trying to punish me back, &it's horrible. it's so horrible, because...really...i'd die for you. i love you. i love you so much, it's killing me."

Home from my make-up exam and it went well and I'm feeling better.
I'm noticing a pattern though. Whenever I feel any emotion strongly (good or bad), it kind of stirs up every other emotion I've been repressing. Which is probably overall a good thing, it just leaves me somewhat winded to feel it all at once. I do repress a lot, even though it probably doesn't seem so.

Of course while taking the make up, my inner Cassie was channeled and I was thinking about that make-up exam scene from "Skins" that the lovely Elisabeth had recently posted (and which my icon is from!) -

( Is it possible to truly enjoy power? )

Q: Could I be any more in love with Emily despite the fact I find Naomi more attractive physically?
A: No, I could not. Her constant persistence in the face of being shut down and her no-holding back vulnerability remind me of Paulie from "Lost and Delirious" who remains the fictional love of my life. Emily owns my heart.

Of course the ep isn't over yet so anything could happen :p